I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
