I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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