So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
