i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
