I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
