i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
