im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
