I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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