I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
