i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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