Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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