just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
