I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
