Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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