I wish I only lived at night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
