So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
