This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
