i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
