4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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