oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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