I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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