Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
