I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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