how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just high enough for therapy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
So. Much. Porn.
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