A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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