A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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