in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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