i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
