I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
