its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize