the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
