last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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