margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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