Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
