Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
try to milk me bitch
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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