I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
