He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
