I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have fence marks all over my body
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
