I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize