Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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