Pappa wants mamma naked
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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