Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize