You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
