I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
