please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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