; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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