oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
