i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
