my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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