I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
