I want to walk on stilts...naked
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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