The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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