fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think my moral compass just broke
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
