Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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