did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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