Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
