My room smells like vodka and shame
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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