Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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