Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We are all done wearing pants today
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
