i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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