i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
