Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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