Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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