we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
