Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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