You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
