I hope mine doesn't look like that
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
