I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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