and you said cock pushups were impossible
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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