Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
