I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
