I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
